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FORGIVEN First of all I'd like thank the Lord for saving an old wretch like me. I'd like to thank Him for giving me good godly parents who have taught me the right and only way. When I was ten years old I remember making what I would consider, my first profession. I remember we were at a Camp Meeting in Thurmont, Maryland. A lot of people were getting saved there. Every time a lady would get saved she would go to the preacher's wife. So, I thought if I went to her like everyone else then I would get saved. I remember her taking me into another room. She showed me some verses in the Bible and asked me some questions. I answered all the right questions, seeing I did live in a preacher's house and basically I knew the answers. Then she told me that I had to ask God to save me, so I prayed but did not understand what salvation really was all about. (Psa. 145:18) When I was about twelve I started getting really rebellious toward my parents. I was always lying to my Mom and actually thinking she believed me. One day she asked me why I kept lying to her?! I told her that I was "lost." In my head I knew this but still didn't understand what I had to do to get saved. I went on in my life till the age of fourteen.... At the age of fourteen I was getting very rebellious. I knew I was lost but I didn't care if I was rebellious to my parents or not. I didn't even care if I was hurting them or not even though I knew that their hearts were breaking. We went to a meeting in Pontotoc, Mississippi. We were at Bro. Terry Owens', "Festival of Joy." On Friday night, June 26,1996 I made my next "profession." I sat near the back with all the other teens and fooled around the whole service. Then the service started getting good so I put all my stuff up and started listening. At that time a friend of mine went to the altar. That stirred my emotions because I knew she was lost. I was the next one to go to the altar. I remember laying on the floor and my parents both came down there with me. I was just crying, then I stopped crying, looked at my Dad and said, "It happened!" Dad started shouting, I was hugging my Mom and this whole time it was all emotions. Well, then the service was over. I felt a relief but still no happiness or peace. The next morning Brother Edgar Paschall came up to me and hugged me. He asked me if I was still saved? I told him "yes" but deep down I was saying "NO." I went on trying to make everyone think I was "okay," while the whole time I knew something was missing. I pretty much knew what it was but didn't want anyone else to know. In August of 1996 we went to the Mississippi Delta Camp Meeting. I already had it planned that I was going to get up in front of everyone and tell them that I had gotten "saved." It was God that kept me from getting up there. I remember one night that week there was a good service and again I got emotional. I knelt down by my seat and I was crying. My Mom came over there and asked me what was wrong? I told her that I didn't think I had gotten saved back in June. There were many reasons why I questioned it. My Mom told me that I had to know whether I was saved or lost before she could help me and even before God could help me, so she left me alone and I got off the floor and sat back in my seat. In January of 1997 we went to a church in Lawtey, Florida where at the time Brother Dean McNeese was the pastor. We fell in love with the people and the church. You could just feel God there. We ended up moving there that December. At the church they also had a school so we went to school there. Our principal, Brother Larry Turbyfield, helped me every time he would teach us in chapel. One day he preached, and God was dealing with me strongly. I asked Brother Turbyfield after he got done if I could stay in the church and pray while the other kids went and ate lunch. He said sure, and I stayed in the church. At this time I really didn't know if I was "lost" or "saved." I got up from the altar that day saying that I had gotten saved back in June, when really I hadn't. In August of 1998 we went back to the Mississippi Delta Camp Meeting. It was there that I determined I was lost. I knew this in my head but not in my heart. One of my friends, Brittany Petty, asked me if I was saved? I told her, no. That was the first time I had told anyone that I wasn't saved. I never told anyone else but it seemed like everyone already knew. I went on struggling. My family always goes to My Uncle and Aunt's house in Georgia for Thanksgiving. Well we were there this past Thanksgiving. (1998) Everyone was over at the house but I was tired so I went over to my Dad's trailer, which was parked in their driveway. My Dad has always said that before he had gotten saved he would read the book of Ephesians, so I told myself to read Ephesians. Well, I got ready for bed and was laying in the bed and saw Dad's RED Bible. It stuck out like a sore thumb! I picked it up and read Ephesians chapter one and two. It really didn't do anything for me so I told myself to read it again, some other time though. I did read it again but as far as I got was to the first chapter. This time it helped me but I never got to chapter two. THEN on December 6, 1998 on a Sunday morning, we were at First Baptist Church in Lawtey, Florida where we are living. Mrs. Connie Campbell testifies a lot in church. Well this Sunday morning she said something about "peace!!!" How I had longed for the peace that everyone talked about. Then Brother John Sawyer, the pastor, got up to preach. He said I'm going to do something a little bit different today. He said that he didn't have an outline to this message but felt like it was God's will to preach it. Sure enough it was. He preached that morning out of Ephesians chapter two!!! The chapter I never made it to. I was under deep conviction the whole service. It was in my seat that I knew no longer in my head but now in my heart that I was lost and on my way to a devil's hell. Things were running through my head like, what are people going to think of me? I just made a profession two years ago. I didn't care what people thought. I was the one who had to stand before God and give an account, not the people that were thinking things. Then it ran through my mind, "Do I really want God more than anything else?" Yes, of course I did, why wouldn't I want him. He could give me everything I ever dreamed of. I still sat in my seat and still was under conviction. I was crying and very shaky. I remember telling myself that I was just going to go down to the altar like an ordinary service. See, I had a lot of liberty in this church and was very religious. I would go to the altar almost every service. Well this morning it was very different. I stood up to go to the altar, took about three steps and it was like God pushed me. I had so much pride that God had to take that away from me and by doing that I fell to the floor. I had to crawl the rest of the way to the altar just like a worm does. That's all I was, an old worm worthy of nothing. I was crying very hard by now but this time it was very different than the other times. I was sincere this time and wanted God more then anything. See, the other times I still wanted things of the world and didn't want God. This time I wanted God more then ANYTHING. My parents came down to the altar just like every time before. I didn't look up at them for about twenty minutes. Then I looked up at My Dad and I said, "I don't know what else to do!!!" I told him that I wanted God more then anything. He asked me if I knew what REPENTANCE was? I said, "Yes, a turning away from sin to God!" I told him that I had already turned away from my sin to God. He told me that I had to trust God and believe that he would save me. Then he asked me if I believed He would? I said that I did, really deep down I was saying, "HOW can God forgive a sinner like me?" I told Dad that they, meaning my parents, had no clue of the sins I had committed. They both said, "We don't have to know, God already knows." I put my head back down again still crying. When I brought my head back up I again looked at my Dad and said I don't know what else to do!!! He told me that I had to BELIEVE. Now I know that repentance and faith must be a part of my salvation. Just to believe without a repentant heart will not save. When Dad said this to me, I just looked at him. He said, "Michelle, you have to trust God in Faith Believing that He will, He can, and that He will right now!" My Dad used an illustration like this, I had to trust God to save me just like I trusted my Dad to take care of me. I thought on that for a while. My heart was changed about wanting God more than anything else, but now I had to believe that He would save me. I continued crying and just looked at my Dad. Then a lady from the church who means a lot to me, Mrs. Connie Campbell, knelt down next to me. She told me that I needed to tell God everything that I was telling my parents. She said I feel like you just need to be left alone so if it's okay with your Dad we are going to leave you alone and let you talk to God. So I scooted away from my parents and Mrs. Connie and started talking to God. At that time my Sunday school teacher, Mrs. Rebecca Wise knelt down by me and started giving me bits and pieces of her testimony. After she got done talking to me more people gathered around me and started telling me stuff. The stuff they said I already knew because I had heard it all my life. Brother Gary Pilgrim asked me if there was something that I was holding on to that I didn't want to give up? I told him no. I really wanted God. I don't exactly remember everything that he had said but I do remember one thing clearly. I had told him everything and then told him that I guess I wasn't believing that God would save ME! He asked me these questions, "Do you believe God died for you? Do you believe that he rose again for you?" I answered "Yes" and really I did. He even said that God would forgive me of my sins and other people had said it but it never clicked. Then Brother John got up in front of the church and dismissed everyone. He told them that I just needed to be alone with God. Everyone then left. My parents stayed with me for about twenty minutes still talking to me. My Dad then said there's no more that I can say. He told me that they were going to go get lunch and bring it back to the house. He asked me if I wanted to go or stay? I told him that I had to stay, God wasn't done with me yet. I just felt like if I left then it would be over. I had to stay in there. Mom and Dad left, and I was finally alone with God. After two strait hours of struggling I sat on the altar steps. I started really talking to God like Mrs. Connie told me to do. I started confessing my sins to Him. He already knew them of course but it was good for me to confess them. Then I said, "God I believe that you died just for me." I said, "God I believe that you rose again just for me." Then it was like a brick hit me and GOD said "Do you believe that I'll FORGIVE you of your sins?" I started to cry and I said "YES, Lord I believe!!!!" It was DONE. I was no longer an old sinner but now a sinner saved by God's grace. Now there was that PEACE and HAPPINESS. He was MINE now! My Father! I stood up and got on the platform. I was crying and laughing at the same time. Imagine that. The choir that morning had sang, "Thank God I am FREE!!!" I started singing it. I could now say that I was free and no longer in the dungeon of sin. I walked around the church for about thirty minutes just crying, laughing, and singing. I started singing, "Peace, Peace, WONDERFUL Peace." I could now say that I had that peace that Mrs. Connie Campbell had talked about that morning. Brother Sawyer then came in the church. He just looked at me. I told him that God had just saved me. He got a big grin on his face, shook my hand and he told me that he was very happy and had been praying for me. He then went and called Mrs. Kathy (his wife) from next door. While he was inside I was just looking around outside. The trees were just greener, the sun was shining, birds were singing. It was so beautiful. I had been outside plenty of times but it never had looked like that before. Mrs. Kathy then came over. We stood outside for a little while then we went inside the church. I was telling them how God had saved me. We all started crying, but they were happy tears this time. Brother John then said that we needed to thank God for what He had done. We all got down on our knees and thanked Him. My family and I left that very next day to go to Kentucky for a meeting. On the way there we listened to music. I had heard the songs before but this time they were so real. The words were so clear this time and the songs were such a blessing. It's only been a couple of days since the Lord saved me. He really burdened my heart to write out my testimony in booklet form. I hope and pray that it will help everyone that reads it. If you are not saved or have many doubts then please let God work in your life. There's nothing like salvation and knowing without a shadow of doubt that I'm saved, FORGIVEN!!!! Love and
Prayers, Updated Friday, June 02, 2000 22:54
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